As I sit here in the morning sun, on a sprawling veranda cuddled by majestic tropical trees and colorful exotic birds; as I listen to Rio Cangrejal, one of the purest rivers Gaia offers us today, nestled in the mountains of the Pico Bonita National Rainforest of Honduras, rushing gently but wildly the truth of natural life, I wish you were here. I wish you could hear the river’s whispers; feel the breeze caress the majestic swaying trees, and hear the birds joyfully chirping and singing. And I pray. I pray you are living this quiet, yet refreshing bliss of being wherever you are now. I pray we all live this divine bliss of eternal, loving presence.
Welcome God/dess to the journey of Pelicans, Coconuts & Butterflies. Welcome to this moment in our lives together. Today is beautiful, rich in the myriad hues of nature, and in Gaia’s greatest gift: the kiss of life. We are here today to live our fullest selves and so we journey. Today, we journey together. Thank you for sharing your exquisite self with me. And thank you for allowing me to share my untamed self with you. An extraordinary amount of love and dedication has created this sacred moment. A moment we share. Together we share a cherished moment of spectacular life. Today we create anew our whole lives. Today we journey.
I reflect upon my astonishing life of the past four years, and I appreciate even more each and every moment, person and experience that contributed to such a sacred passage. From a dark moment of septic fever in a cold and uncaring ICU room that is the opening of my book, to last-minute treasured moments with my team as we lovingly pour over the manuscript and fuss over the simplest of details of each aspect of this bold project, and every moment in between. All moments. All choices. All acts of love unfolding. All moments are movements in a harmonic symphony of ever-expanding bliss and beauty. We are here. We are blessed. We are here! Welcome
It is with simple words, deeply felt, that I say welcome and thank you. Thank you God/dess, Universe, Life, Source, amazing team, pelicans, coconuts, butterflies, and you. Thank you for being here with me, truly. Thank you for co-creating this stunningly rewarding moment with me. Together we are creating yet another moment of love in our world today. Thank you for creating, with me, such joy.
I invite you to walk with me. Know that my heart is wide open and my journey has only just begun. Indolent cancer is not who I am today. Today I am a wild, passionate and relentless warrioress of love, of light and whatever lies ahead in the next and this very glorious moment. Each moment of my journey, like yours, will be welcomed and fully embraced as the gift it is always is. Walk with me as we make miracles out of moments and usher in a world of humane treatment for those with cancer and every other dis-ease. Stand with me for a Compassionate Cure for Cancer. Join me for a life of brilliant love, bountiful bliss and bubbling joy – for every living being forever on our new Earth.
If my message of welcome and gratitude speaks to you, if my path resonates with you, then please read Pelicans, Coconuts & Butterflies, and commit with me, walk with me, hand in hand as we discover our truth, our soul and a new way of being, moment to moment, breath to breath. And when your moment of co-creation with me, with Pelicans, Coconuts & Butterflies passes as you fly to new, unchartered skies, please “pay it forward.” Pass this site, Pelicans, Coconuts & Butterflies, along to those you love, and to those you find hard to love. Hold deep and unyielding compassion in your juicy, unfolding heart.
Embrace endless courage and conviction, as we walk together. Many steps await us, but together our combined voice of love brings unity to our world. Walk with me. And whenever you can, or you can’t: Smile. One smile is worth a trillion moments of love. Walk with me in this unbounded love called our lives.
With deep, heart-blossoming love,
Ani
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It’s me again….it’s been a while. I have been trying to move forward and live my life as normal as possible….
It was last week when I suddenly began to fall apart emotionally. I know you all say I am strong, and I believe that…but I think I forgot that sometimes it is okay to be weak.
Two weeks ago I had my first expansion injection (this is to prepare my chest and stretch my skin for the implants to fit.) It was major pain all over again…almost like I felt when I woke up from the original surgery. This was the first day of the release of all of my real emotions since the day of cancer diagnosis.
When this journey started I was motivated by my ROLES as a mom, a wife, a friend and an employee. I “held it together” majority of the time, sat up and put on make-up to welcome visitors the day after surgery, tried to get out of the house and grocery shop in the weeks soon to follow and returned to work weeks before I was expected to… I was driven to be NORMAL for myself and for my family and for everyone involved in my life.
Then when I would be in too much pain or would feel emotional I would get angry with myself…. I know this is silly, but it is true and if you know my character, it fits right in.
This past Thursday I hit my threshold for being “strong” and shouted that it must be okay for me to be weak sometimes as I cried uncontrollably to Kenny, my rock. I cried that I felt incomplete and ugly…. he reminded me that I am beautiful, but I did not want to hear that…. eventually he just listened as I ranted and raved through a roller coaster of emotions. It all calmed down as I decided that I was going to create an outdoor sanctuary for me to “live” in. In the house, at work in my office I feel “dead” and trapped by doom. Outside I feel full of life, I can breath and most importantly I can HEAL.
There it is, my motivation: I need to allow myself to heal, not just physically but emotionally/mentally! With this new motivation I have committed to seeking out a support group; something I felt I did not need before. I have also filled my backyard patio with palm plants, creeping Jessamine plants, yellow callylillies, purple petunias, song bird feeders, hummingbird feeders and a symbolic butterfly wind chime (I would still like to find a dragonfly wind chime: both creatures symbolize new life, change and spiritual growth.) The only thing missing, that I will get soon, is the healing and calming sound of water.
Today I sit in my sanctuary, wind blowing and chimes ringing and feel a moment of peace… I finally feel that I may get through all of this! I have a plan to get support from others who have been in my shoes, a dear and loved proffessor of mine has led me to a good book, “Pelicans, coconuts and Butterflies” (I may have the title wrong) written journal style by a breast cancer survivor and I have a place filled with life to escape from my moments of fear and dread.
Another source for healing for me has been journaling in the past and once again I finally feel motivated to write…thus the reason or this journal update…
Here is to my continued journey to physical, mental and emotional healing!
Karen
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